I'm trying to smile.

See,

this is the problem with having a tumblr. I don't know whether to post it up here or there now. Whatever. Today, I was feeling so shiteous. Because of the stupid swine flu pandemic, I missed my audition for the school play. Yeah, I actually signed up for an audition this year, I thought 'What the heck, you're only in High School once'. And secretly, it's always been a dream of mine. I used to watch soap operas with my mother when I was younger and I'd memorize what they'd say and I'd go in front of my little pink mirror and do whatever they did on screen for hours and hours on end. My last school didn't really have anything going on at all in the drama department, so that was shot down while I was there. But I don't know, Templeton's theatre program sounds so amazing and I really wanted just one second of glory ... when you smile, and you're all hot after an hour long play and you bow down in front of the audience and look up but you're blinded because you can't see on account of the spotlights. And I love not being me. I love being someone else and taking their experiences in ... and I don't know.

I sound like a whiny baby, god.

And then the cast list was posted up and everyone was jumping up and down and I was happy for them, I really was. But it was just another reminder that my opportunity for this year was shot down the drain. You do not know how many swear words are running through my head right now.